Thoughts… and something more

Keep listening to this song… Over and over and over again. I will eventually get tired of it. But now, it’s on repeat.

(I’ve just realized how underrated it is. This one and Even Deeper. And their lyrics… need I say more?)

Today I wanted to do something evil… but, naturally, my plan failed. Like everything I have done recently.

Moreover, I have noticed a connection between my daydreams and the likelihood of  them happening. Just two words: inversely proportional. I mean it. If I make some long term short-term medium-term plans, something bad MUST happen in the next 2 days (or an hour… a god damned hour; someone or something up there really hates me; don’t worry the feeling is mutual) . Like I’m cursed or something. Fuck it, I do not need this, not now, I have to feed with my illusions otherwise I am left with nothing and my depressed mood will turn on (I’ll swing back out of it in a few hours, or a day or so, but I don’t … don’t know if I can deal with that much pressure, not with all the exams, anyway). Too late, it had already kicked in. Now I have to find something nice to think of just to keep those dark and miserable thoughts away.

(…)We cover ourselves with lies
But underneath we’re not so tough
And love is not enough
(…)
It never really had a chance
We’d never really make it through
I never think I’d believed
I believed I could get better with you

Sometimes, i have everything-
Yet i wish i felt something

Do you know how far this has gone?
Just how damaged have i become?
When i think i can overcome
It runs even deeper

And in a dream I’m a different me
With a perfect you
We fit perfectly
And for once in my life i feel complete-
And i still want to ruin it
Afraid to look
As clear as day
This plan has long been underway

I hear them call
I cannot stay
The voice inviting me away

Do you know how far this has gone?
Just how damaged have I become?
When I think I can overcome
It runs even deeper …
Everything that matters is gone
All the hands of hope have withdrawn
Could you try to help me hang on?
It runs…

* This last week was fairly decent. Yeah, people tried to screw me over or acted like total jackasses who were seriously in need of a punch, but I always woke up with a smile on my face and kept it most of the day. Because I knew someone would greet me with a “Hello dear!”, “Have a nice day!”, “Good morning!”, “Such a nice day, isn’t it?”. It has officially become my new drug.

Dub Pistols – Gave you time

I gave you time, still stuck in my mind
But the space in between us, I had to draw the line
You come around, It’s like I’m walking on the ceiling,
And I can’t find the words that are matching with the feelings…