Thoughts… and something more

Keep listening to this song… Over and over and over again. I will eventually get tired of it. But now, it’s on repeat.

(I’ve just realized how underrated it is. This one and Even Deeper. And their lyrics… need I say more?)

Today I wanted to do something evil… but, naturally, my plan failed. Like everything I have done recently.

Moreover, I have noticed a connection between my daydreams and the likelihood of  them happening. Just two words: inversely proportional. I mean it. If I make some long term short-term medium-term plans, something bad MUST happen in the next 2 days (or an hour… a god damned hour; someone or something up there really hates me; don’t worry the feeling is mutual) . Like I’m cursed or something. Fuck it, I do not need this, not now, I have to feed with my illusions otherwise I am left with nothing and my depressed mood will turn on (I’ll swing back out of it in a few hours, or a day or so, but I don’t … don’t know if I can deal with that much pressure, not with all the exams, anyway). Too late, it had already kicked in. Now I have to find something nice to think of just to keep those dark and miserable thoughts away.

(…)We cover ourselves with lies
But underneath we’re not so tough
And love is not enough
(…)
It never really had a chance
We’d never really make it through
I never think I’d believed
I believed I could get better with you

Sometimes, i have everything-
Yet i wish i felt something

Do you know how far this has gone?
Just how damaged have i become?
When i think i can overcome
It runs even deeper

And in a dream I’m a different me
With a perfect you
We fit perfectly
And for once in my life i feel complete-
And i still want to ruin it
Afraid to look
As clear as day
This plan has long been underway

I hear them call
I cannot stay
The voice inviting me away

Do you know how far this has gone?
Just how damaged have I become?
When I think I can overcome
It runs even deeper …
Everything that matters is gone
All the hands of hope have withdrawn
Could you try to help me hang on?
It runs…

* This last week was fairly decent. Yeah, people tried to screw me over or acted like total jackasses who were seriously in need of a punch, but I always woke up with a smile on my face and kept it most of the day. Because I knew someone would greet me with a “Hello dear!”, “Have a nice day!”, “Good morning!”, “Such a nice day, isn’t it?”. It has officially become my new drug.

Procrastination

I’ll start with a cliché because really now, who wouldn’t? If you look up procrastination in the dictionary you’ll see my picture (well you were expecting to see my picture here, but I really don’t want to show my face, not yet) and the many many things that I have begun but never finished. And the things I don’t start but want to. And never finish. Which is strange because I usually don’t like to leave things unfinished. (see how I used “finished” in three almost consecutive phrases; this would piss me off, because I don’t like to repeat words, but now I’ll just let it pass because I don’t feel like correcting it).

But what is procrastination (that is for those who are ……. <– insert adjective here)? According to the Merriam Webster dictionary to procrastinate means  to put off intentionally the doing of something that should be done. Like me with this article… and ideas and actions etc. It’s not that I’m lazy (ok, well just a little), it’s just that I don’t feel like doing things, I always find something else that is more interesting than what I doing at that moment. So maybe I am lazy, goddammit!

This article was supposed to be different. Last night Today, before I went to bed I shaped it up in my head, I was going to write about something else, but because I didn’t put my ideas down on a piece of paper I couldn’t remember them. See what this procrastination is doing out of me? I’m just kidding.

(while I was writing this article I went to do something in the living room, but I ended up with a semi-paralyzed index finger – YAY)

I bet am sure there are a thousand articles on the internet about procrastination. How you can overcome it (now why would you want that? it’s fun to postpone things) or how people whine about this “disease” (hey, I’m one of them; also disease is used here in a pejorative way, don’t take it seriously).

Perhaps that’s why I started a blog. For discipline or to discipline myself. To get off my arse and do something. If that something is productive, that’s even better.

P.S.: After I reread this article I noticed my excessive use of brackets. I’m sorry if they bother you, but this is how I like to write. Muhahaha!

Cel mai bun cover

Rock Talk (încă nu m-am obișnuit) și cei de la getmusic.ro au organizat un concurs. Cel mai bun cover pe care l-ai ascultat vreodată. Păi eu la viața mea (care e destul de scurtă, dar fie) am ascultat muuuuuulte coveruri, și aveam foldere speciale cu așa ceva…. dar din pricina unor dificultăți tehnice, nu mai am prin calculator laptop (care nu-i nici al meu, deci nu îmi permit să mă destrăbălez pe el) decât niște amărâte de melodii pe care am reușit să le iau de pe nu știu ce site-uri obscure. Așadar și prin urmare, recurg la memorie. Da ce să-i fac, că a început să mă lase, mai ales că zilele astea a fost suprasaturată cu o mulțime de informații care de care mai inutile.

Dar mă iau cu vorba și nu scriu ce cover mi-a plăcut cel mai mult. Păi fentez nițel cerința (așa ca să îmi fac damblaua) și zic care este coverul unei melodii de la NIN mi-a plăcut cel mai mult. Așa că cel mai bun cover al unei melodii de la Nine Inch Nails este …. :drumrolls: ….. Johnny Cash – Hurt.

Cum spuneam, nu pot să îmi aduc aminte și nu am nici răbdarea să iau la puricat youtube-ul în speranța că poate găsesc altceva.  Și știu că erau o mulțime de alte coveruri, dar mi-e lene, vreau să dorm, să citesc și să mă relaxez, altfel voi sări la gâtul primului individ care mă enervează.

Coincidență sau nu, azi după ce am plecat de la examn, un prieten a început să o cânte.

Nine Inch Nails – Only

AKA my favourite song.