Regrets (part I)

I wish this song was true, but it’s not. I wish I hadn’t done this to someone, not because I care for him, but because… well I screwed things up. (FYI I don’t even know the man that good, but… still… he was kind enough to understand) What was I thinking? Well, nothing, I suppose I just wanted to spite someone… but I was selfish and an idiot to think I could actually handle that job. I am incredibly sorry… I never have imagined it would go like this. Jebus, what was I thinking? That I could somehow … What’s done is done, I cannot go back now or turn back time… just erase things and rewind.

I’m a very remorseful person. I never forget and I never forgive, my mistakes or other’s. It’s like a document I cannot permanently delete… and what’s worse is that it keeps updating with tons of tiny, inconsiderate or serious things and I’ll treat everyone of them like it’s a capital sin. I don’t know why I am so demanding, or why do I keep having a conscience… I liked to think of myself as a person who barely gives a shit about something, at least that’s the image I’ve carefully created. But the truth is I’m not. I have second thoughts, I do things just to piss someone off, even though I don’t actually enjoy it, or worse I hate it with a passion, I throw myself head first without taking into consideration the alternatives. I am selfish, to a point where it backslashes… really, really bad.

I feel a depressed mood coming soon, if it’s not here already. Oh and these mood swings. One day I’m happy and the next day I have the most darkest thoughts I could think of. Yeah, I’ve probably inherited from my mum’s side because she has had this kind of problem before.